jon_jonet

Kutner is dead. The Izzie Stevens of House is dead. Nobody saw that coming that's for sure. Everyone is wondering why he committed suicide. Although you know that he's alone, you'd never have thought it was too unbearable for him to consider taking his own life. He was always cheerful. He was the most cheerful of the bunch. Maybe it's the cognitive dissonance unrecognized. He knows he has a lot going for him compared to all the patients they are treating. Patients who want to live and yet he had been wondering about taking his life. He knows he shouldn't feel that way but he can't help himself. He keeps on having this internal struggle until he panics then boom! He shot himself.

Well I'm sure House writers will probably be more creative with the suicide cause. I really can't wait to watch the next episode. House had been brooding for a long time with the life of being alone. The death of a fellow "alone" man might catalyst his descent into what I don't know. But it'll definitely be interesting.

It was surprising to learn that I wasn't the only one amongst my single women friends who felt the emptiness. That despite a good career, great many friends and busy social life we still feel 'the emptiness'. What is this emptiness all about anyway? Could it be our biological clock ticking telling us it is now time to start our own family? Or just simply be in a serious and loving relationship? And if either one is true, is it what we really want or what is being dictated by our society to our subconscious?

But whatever is the answer, we can't escape this feeling. I never thought I can feel happily accomplished and yet still feel this emptiness. This feeling that something is missing. I had been trying to discard the obvious answer. I am a woman of the 21st century. Liberated and independent. And yet here I am yearning to have a man in my life to fill the gap. Someone who I can share my burdens with. Someone who'd celebrate with me my successes. I have always thought it's a weakness to want these. But maybe it takes more strength than we think to realize this as oppose to distracting ourselves from the feeling of emptiness. Up until the time we can no longer bear it and it's too late.

"Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Johnathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Johnathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny."

"You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: "Did he have passion?". "
- movie 'SERENDIPITY'

"If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking. If you believe in love at first sight... Take a closer look. Those who love at first sight are traitors at every glance"

"You think because you don't love us, or desire us, or even like us, you think you've won."

"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world."
- movie 'CLOSER'

"Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them."

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
- movie 'WHEN HARRY MET SALLY'

A friend of mine once said, "Why be trapped in one bad moment when you can look forward to many good moments in the future? Life goes on." He's right. Why continue to weigh ourselves down by should haves and could haves? What's past is past. We are helpless to change it. We can only learn from it and use those lessons to help us with our journey.

I do wish i have learned my lessons well...

I am now trying to de-clutter my life - wanting to achieve the lightness of being that has been so elusive to me so far. Mending things that can be mended. Letting go..

It's difficult to let go of someone you have held on to for more than a year. But it's a must. I still can't help but text him from time to time. I know I should stop. I am trying to. Sigh.. Dream guys will always be just that. A dream guy.